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Still stating the obviuus.

Ooooh. Aaaah.Back by popular demand. Ok, maybe not popular, but someone asked me why I haven’t said anything lately, and seeing as I don’t have a plethora of friends, one person does actually constitute popular in my world. So, as usual, you are required to humor me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–if you don’t like it, there are a bazillion other really interesting blogs [that likely have a lot more useful things to say] available for your perusal.  [Aside: I’m taking the Island offline, so I’m migrating a few things over here–just in case it looks familiar.]

Taking neurosis to a whole new dysfunction.

Quick poll: Raise your hand if you have never been burned by the piece of red-hot wire leftover after a sparkler has burned out. Ok, now you people with your hands up–go sit in the corner and keep quiet. Besides, your mom is probably reading this to you anyway and will promptly edit out everything else I’m about to say.

Now the rest of you, do you remember how much fun the 4th of July used to be? Seriously, chasing people down with a flaming stick of potassium nitrate was one of the great joys of childhood. Not to mention seeing how many insects you could fry along the way. [After all, it is cicada season, conveniently enough.]

What exactly caused us to suck all the fun out of the holidays? Especially the only holiday with pyrotechnics! I understand you don’t really want a 4-year-old playing with bottle rockets, but where’s the fun of sitting at a “safe” distance just watching a couple of perfectly legal, Wal-Mart purchased canisters fizz for a few seconds? Seriously, the fireflies put on a better show.

The semantics of independence (perpetually non-PC is me).

And just in case no one else was bored enough to read the packaging of their mediocre fireworks, I would like to point out that every single one was made in China. Does anyone else find the irony in using chinese-made fireworks to celebrate the 4th of July? We trust the same people who put toxic chemicals in our children’s toys to make safe explosives? In case you’re not working yourself up into a righteous patriotic frenzy at this very moment, let me add a little kerosene to your stack of blackjacks–the wee flag my child was waving? Made in China.

So if we happen to cut commerce ties with China at some point in time, do you think we, as a nation, could still continue to function? Could you make it through the day without your sunglasses, or toothbrush, or coffee cup, or lighter, or happy meal toy, or iphone? [I had you up until iphone, didn’t I? Might as well live in a cave without one, troglodyte.] Can we legitimately declare ourselves independent?

So if we are nationally co-dependent and overprotective of our foreign trading partners, it’s probably reasonable that our children are growing up over-sheltered and dependent as well, right? I, for one, miss the days of getting liquored up and tossing the whole box of cherry-bombs in the bonfire.

Just when I’m at the acme of my jaded tirade.

So whilst driving my sleepy family home, I’m going through this little ranting and raving in my head. I’m thinking of all the things I’d like to say to the powers-that-be and how truly outraged they would be if they saw things my way [also known as the care and feeding of the delusion monster].

As my brain is drafting the vitriolic post of my resurrection, I’m distractedly tucking my little G in bed and he says to me, “Mommy, this was a good day, wasn’t it?”

Of course it was, baby. Because politics and economics aside, I still got to spend the day with my family looking at the pretty lights.

But next year, we’re going to have sparklers, dammit.


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