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ErsatzIvy

ErsatzIvy has written 15 posts for No Sudden Movements.

Watching the black dog tide.

Part of my personal struggle as both a human being and a parent is with depression. According to various internet sources that sound really convincing, the phrase “black dog” was first used by Winston Churchill to describe this cycle phenomena that strikes millions of the world’s population. I don’t like that metaphor so much, because … Continue reading

Confessions of a (slightly) sociopathic parent.

As we know, parenting is hard. Parenting a social child when you are not even mildly socially inclined…excruciating. I am not an actual diagnostically worthy sociopath, but if we look at the root of the word, I probably fit the bill. A little dictionary for your day. According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, the simple definition … Continue reading

Politics and Parenting. (serious stuff)

It’s that time again. We are saturated already and we really haven’t gotten to the prime season yet. So how do you talk to your kids about what is all over the television right now? (or, if you’re like my crew and not a t.v. family, all over the radio, internet, mass media, bumper stickers, etc. etc. … Continue reading

Dear Parents, It’s not Miley’s fault.

I won’t dignify this with a picture; we all know what she looked like and if you don’t, you can find it on YouTube. Or Facebook. Or the news. Or anywhere people seem to be outraged over how Miley could have ruined herself for her hordes of idolaters. Let me put it succinctly: if you … Continue reading

They ARE laughing at you. (but it’s ok)

Empathize and pity, likely. Like me, this morning, for example. I spent another few hours doing battle with two people who, combined, have half my body mass. (It really, really should not be so hard.) I finally get them into school and as I am walking out, there’s a woman bringing her children in the … Continue reading

Take your elephant to school day.

I was behind a man at Starbucks today who ordered his mocha with the whipped cream on the bottom. For some reason, this is really bothering me. Better parenting through dementia It’s Friday again, and you would think I could remember Friday is show-and-tell day at school. Of course, even if I had somehow recalled … Continue reading

Finally! The pope and I can agree on something.

[I know this particular recycle is really off-topic, but I liked this one and thought it worth saving.] Senior citizen Saturday. But that’s o.k. This weekend, my mother took pity on me and we went on a Saturday afternoon movie date. [Actually, I think she was secretly amused by my New Moon review and is trying … Continue reading

Why I love the recession.

Alright, so I’m digging. So the interest rates on my credit card accounts are going through the roof. So there was no cost-of-living-adjustment on social security this year. So Starbucks has increased their prices and decreased their rewards program. [I’m also likely to receive a certified letter from corporate instructing me never to call them again.] So … Continue reading

That pig has cajones.

You’re not a good parent if you don’t have a panic disorder. To assuage my rampant guilt over all the attention G is getting right now, I took Shifty to a production of “If You Give a Pig a Party” at the theatre Saturday. My kids are intimidated by movies, so I thought stage productions would … Continue reading

Why iPhones and Target don’t mix.

Taking the team concept too far. Since I had to buy a birthday gift for a 4-year-old girl, I was forced to go to the store and over to the “pink aisle” (under the advice of the girl’s mother). I figured Target would work, right? First, I have to pass the Junior’s clothing section. I … Continue reading