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They ARE laughing at you. (but it’s ok)

Empathize and pity, likely. Like me, this morning, for example. I spent another few hours doing battle with two people who, combined, have half my body mass. (It really, really should not be so hard.) I finally get them into school and as I am walking out, there’s a woman bringing her children in the … Continue reading

Take your elephant to school day.

I was behind a man at Starbucks today who ordered his mocha with the whipped cream on the bottom. For some reason, this is really bothering me. Better parenting through dementia It’s Friday again, and you would think I could remember Friday is show-and-tell day at school. Of course, even if I had somehow recalled … Continue reading

Finally! The pope and I can agree on something.

[I know this particular recycle is really off-topic, but I liked this one and thought it worth saving.] Senior citizen Saturday. But that’s o.k. This weekend, my mother took pity on me and we went on a Saturday afternoon movie date. [Actually, I think she was secretly amused by my New Moon review and is trying … Continue reading

Why I love the recession.

Alright, so I’m digging. So the interest rates on my credit card accounts are going through the roof. So there was no cost-of-living-adjustment on social security this year. So Starbucks has increased their prices and decreased their rewards program. [I’m also likely to receive a certified letter from corporate instructing me never to call them again.] So … Continue reading

That pig has cajones.

You’re not a good parent if you don’t have a panic disorder. To assuage my rampant guilt over all the attention G is getting right now, I took Shifty to a production of “If You Give a Pig a Party” at the theatre Saturday. My kids are intimidated by movies, so I thought stage productions would … Continue reading

Why iPhones and Target don’t mix.

Taking the team concept too far. Since I had to buy a birthday gift for a 4-year-old girl, I was forced to go to the store and over to the “pink aisle” (under the advice of the girl’s mother). I figured Target would work, right? First, I have to pass the Junior’s clothing section. I … Continue reading

Better parenting through technology.

Forget Deep Blue, or the Hubble, or the iPhone. I want to meet the design genius behind the alarm clock. Since the inception of the alarm, we’ve enjoy the immense benefits bestowed by the most-wonderful snooze button. [Consequently, I also want to speak with the linguistic brilliance behind the word snooze. Tired and groggy as I … Continue reading

Live burn training.

Well, we’ve begun our trial run of soon-to-be Life On Our Own. So far, not too terribly bad. There are some definite high points, like getting to park in the garage when the sun is blazing hot; no one has to fry their backsides on 1277° leather (namely me). We can eat meals that consist … Continue reading

Precognition and paranoia.

As anyone who really knows me knows, I have some really strange dreams. And while I know you are probably saying to yourself, “Seriously, most people have strange dreams, you really should crank your self-importance down a few notches.” I would like to point out that my dreamworld is a twisted and bizarre place that … Continue reading

Still stating the obviuus.

Back by popular demand. Ok, maybe not popular, but someone asked me why I haven’t said anything lately, and seeing as I don’t have a plethora of friends, one person does actually constitute popular in my world. So, as usual, you are required to humor me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–if you don’t … Continue reading