Why I love the recession.

Alright, so I’m digging.

So the interest rates on my credit card accounts are going through the roof. So there was no cost-of-living-adjustment on social security this year. So Starbucks has increased their prices and decreased their rewards program. [I’m also likely to receive a certified letter from corporate instructing me never to call them again.] So I’m probably on a terrorist watch-list for a small incident on the roof of my car in the Wal*Mart parking lot.

So what.

There truly is an upside to everything. If you don’t believe me, check your mailbox. Now think about the last time you received an unsolicited credit card offer.

See?

O.K. So maybe it’s me.

Unfortunately, one of the rat bastards found me today. Wouldn’t you know it, Capital One. [Get out of my closet!] I’ve looked and looked at it, but I still can’t decide about the true meaning of this little messenger of banking rapacity. Is this a sign of my state of affairs or the overall state of the Union?

Was I so credit unworthy I didn’t merit any previous offers? Or was I so exceptionally credit savvy they knew it would be a waste of paper to send one to me?

Does that mean I’ve improved my credit enough to merit solicitation, or has my worth dropped so much they think I’m open for suggestions?

You’re not paranoid if everyone really is trying to get you.

What if it’s not me, and this is one of the tender buds of new economic growth? What does it say about us as a nation if credit card marketing is how we gauge the health of our economy. Worse yet, where is there hope for recovery if we still haven’t managed to kill off the capricious greed of variable interest rate providers?

Why does this nondescript envelope now feel like a harbinger of doom?

So what.

Ok, I fully realize that I am likely reading wa-aa-ay too much into junk mail. I received 2 “Super Saver” booklets and I didn’t have a nervous breakdown over those; what’s the big deal? In fact, I got a “Cuisine At Home” magazine, too…maybe The Man thinks I need some cooking lessons. [Am I feeding my kids too many leftover? Am I bad parent because I don’t cook for my kids more often?]

If you couldn’t tell, I’m flying in total overload at the moment. My “Word of the Day” screensaver (the psychic one) keeps flashing “hibernate” and “ha-ha” at me. [Did you know ha-ha means “a ditch with a wall on its inner side below ground level, forming a boundary to a park or garden without interrupting the view”? You really do learn something every day.] <Insert self-piteous sigh here.>

And, oh yeah, screw you Capital One. I’m not the kind of girl that’s going to fall for your 17.99%, no matter how many frequent flier miles are attached to it. Obviously you didn’t do your research; I haven’t flown anywhere in 4 years and I suck at vacations.