ErsatzIvy has written 17 posts for No Sudden Movements.

That pig has cajones.

You’re not a good parent if you don’t have a panic disorder. To assuage my rampant guilt over all the attention G is getting right now, I took Shifty to a production of “If You Give a Pig a Party” at the theatre Saturday. My kids are intimidated by movies, so I thought stage productions would … Continue reading

Why iPhones and Target don’t mix.

Taking the team concept too far. Since I had to buy a birthday gift for a 4-year-old girl, I was forced to go to the store and over to the “pink aisle” (under the advice of the girl’s mother). I figured Target would work, right? First, I have to pass the Junior’s clothing section. I … Continue reading

Better parenting through technology.

Forget Deep Blue, or the Hubble, or the iPhone. I want to meet the design genius behind the alarm clock. Since the inception of the alarm, we’ve enjoy the immense benefits bestowed by the most-wonderful snooze button. [Consequently, I also want to speak with the linguistic brilliance behind the word snooze. Tired and groggy as I … Continue reading

Live burn training.

Well, we’ve begun our trial run of soon-to-be Life On Our Own. So far, not too terribly bad. There are some definite high points, like getting to park in the garage when the sun is blazing hot; no one has to fry their backsides on 1277° leather (namely me). We can eat meals that consist … Continue reading

Precognition and paranoia.

As anyone who really knows me knows, I have some really strange dreams. And while I know you are probably saying to yourself, “Seriously, most people have strange dreams, you really should crank your self-importance down a few notches.” I would like to point out that my dreamworld is a twisted and bizarre place that … Continue reading

Still stating the obviuus.

Back by popular demand. Ok, maybe not popular, but someone asked me why I haven’t said anything lately, and seeing as I don’t have a plethora of friends, one person does actually constitute popular in my world. So, as usual, you are required to humor me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again–if you don’t … Continue reading

Genesis. (oh the anxiety.)

So it begins. Starting a blog is fun. You have all these great ideas for what your theme is going to be and dreams about it becoming wildly successful. You finally settle down on what you want to talk about, you pick the perfect name, you get a little giddy when the domain is still … Continue reading